Can We Get Enough Stories in Just One More Week?

I know, I know. Everyone’s so goddamn sick of the fucking election that they wish it were today and not a week from today.

But as Grandma used to say, I got news for you. Because if Trump wins, we’ll get a never-ending explosion of noise from the digital echo chamber celebrating his victory, and if he loses, he’s already got his conspiracy theory ready to go about how the RNC didn’t do a good job watching the polls.

I actually would like to see the whole election postponed for another couple of weeks because the stories coming out of the Trump campaign are becoming so fantastic and reflect such an amazing degree of managerial stupidity combined with rhetorical crassness that I wake up every morning and can’t wait to pour that first cup of coffee, turn on the ol’ laptop and now I’m ready to go!

Want the latest? I’ve got two good ones and maybe three, which start with this one, okay?

To demonstrate how much he believes in democracy, Elon Musk started running a daily, million-dollar lottery last week which anyone can enter by registering as a Republican before next week’s vote. The lottery has now been shut down thanks to a lawsuit by the Philadelphia DA which states that the effort constitutes an illegal attempt to persuade people how to vote by offering them a cash incentive, i.e…