I’ll Trade A Donut For A Vaccination Any Time!
Now that the FDA has given a final stamp of approval to the Pfizer vaccine, anyone other than the most devout Christian Scientists who doesn’t get a needle stuck into their arm has to be a really dumb schmuck. Unfortunately, there are a lot of dumb schmucks out there, and they seem to be particularly concentrated in the Southern states.
Now why we took those good-for-nothing states back into the Union in 1865 happens to be the subject of a book I am currently trying to finish. But in the meantime, let’s just say that we’re stuck with them and stuck with a population that, to quote some lady in Louisiana, won’t get vaccinated because “if the government pushes me, I’m going to push back.”
Which brings up an interesting question. Now that Donald Trump realizes he’s no longer able to sell a lot of t-shirts and coffee mugs except in the South, who’s going to take over and lead the anti-vaxx movement into the 2022 electoral contest for the Senate and the House?
Yesterday I received my first text message from the Democratic National Committee asking for a donation to fund 2022. They usually wait until after Labor Day but this time the DNC jumped the proverbial gun. So, they got a Franklin from me.
My state, Massachusetts, is one of the states which leads the country in terms of its vaccination rate, and even though the Delta variant has pushed hospital numbers back up, we are still not in such bad shape. The state has been very aggressive in promoting a public health response, even coming up with a lottery which allows you to enter for a cash prize when you get vaxxed.
But yesterday, the Krispy Kreme Corporation, out of North Carolina, announced a really great giveaway for people who get the shots. From August 30th until September 5th, if you walk into a Krispy Kreme outlet with proof that you’re protected against Covid-19, you get two free donuts, not just one. The company has already given away 2.5 million free donuts since March, but now they are doubling the number of donuts that you can get and eat every day.
Krispy is a national chain, with outlets overseas, particularly in countries where we happen to have military troops. But most of their 365 U.S. shops are in the South, because that’s where they began. And the chain is big in the South because they make their donuts with lard, which is still a staple on the Southern cuisine.
Take my word for it — there’s nothing like a ‘Krispy,’ which is what we called their delectable treats when I lived in the South. So, what if lard is probably the most cholesterol-laden ingredient of all time? So what? We’re talking about lard versus Covid-19, okay?
Last week Anheuser (‘this Bud’s for you’) Busch announced that they’ll give out free beer on Labor Day to everyone who has been vaxxed, which usually ranks as the biggest day for consumption of beer for the entire year anyway.
It’s one thing to convince people that they should trust science — you’d be amazed how many folks out there really believe that science is the Devil’s handiwork. That’s just the way it is. But convince people that they should do something because they’ll get two free Krispy Kremes and a glass of free beer? A no-brainer every time.
The only thing that’s missing from the push to get everyone vaccinated is an announcement from Wal Mart that they will require all their employees to get the shots, which would then let them impose a vaccination requirement on shoppers as well.
I can just see Alex Jones leading a boycott of Wal Mart, an event as close to reality as the statement made yesterday by that idiot Kayleigh McEnany that we didn’t have a Covid-19 crisis under Trump.
I think that what Joe should do is have the Commerce Department create a special fund to reimburse any retailer that gives away something for free to anyone who gets vaxxed. Or maybe the money should come from The Department of Health and Human Services because, after all, wouldn’t two free Krispy Kreme donuts qualify as a government program to promote public health?
